Looking Good on the Outside

By Ken Nair

Warning Signs/Symptoms of Emotional Divorce

1)   Easier to talk at length with almost anyone other than spouse

2)   Holds grudges against spouse

3)   Personal activities seem to have gradually excluded spouse

4)   Holds onto resentments which are remembered during arguments

5)   Has friendlier feelings towards others than spouse

6)   Impatient

7)   Draws children to self for emotional companionship

8)   Attracted to pornography (men) or romance novels (women)

9)   Addicted to TV sports or soaps to the neglect of relationship duties

10)       Not paying attention when spouse speaks

11)       Frequent arguments/fights

12)       Busy religious schedule doesn’t leave enough time for spouse

13)       Gives marriage advice, knowing it is not being personally applied

14)       Becoming depressed at the thought of going home

(If you discover that you can identify with at least five of the symptoms above, you will want to consider the next checklist?)

Emotionally Divorced, in Fact

(Previous symptoms plus the following)

1)           Separate lifestyle and activities

2)           Habitually going to bed at different times (for reasons other than health or job)

3)           Discontinued sex life

4)           Virtually no conversation with spouse

5)           Rage or Silence

6)           Mostly condemning of spouse’s character through negative reports

7)           An unusually close friend or confidant of the opposite sex

8)           Plotting vengeance

9)           Separate friendships

10)       Finds married life depressing

11)       Contemplating legal divorce

12)       Feelings of hopelessness

13)       Constantly patronizing spouse (anything to avoid conflicts) but holding bitterness

Excerpted from Looking Good on the Outside.  An exposition of emotional divorce by Ken Nair- www.lifepartners.org