Some thoughts to a husband
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Ski – lets chat about this a little more, because its a conceptual thing that is very important in YOUR Christian walk. Notice I said you and not your wife, etc.
We men make this all about getting our wives back, getting the kids back, and so on and so on. But what we fail to realize, this is all a symptom of a deeper problem. Just like the human body, if you fix the core issue the symptoms repair themselves. (even cancer btw). For the men that realize this and walk this out, we actually do receive God’s promise of peace, love and joy. Ask Tony, David, Matt, myself and the list, is very small because only a few understand this. Ken Nair says one in ten will actually get this. And that doesn’t even mean our marriages are restored all the time, but something happens inside of you that is a true miracle of God’s blessings.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV
That’s a really interesting passage. Notice how it doesn’t say for “our good”. In other words, God knows the good you need and how you can serve the Kingdom of God. – Lets look at another passage.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” – Jer 29:11-14
Everyone loves to quote this passage, or at least the 29;11 part. I rarely here anyone add verse 12 and 13, but isn’t that the action that our Lord uses to bring forth verse 11 ands 14. If we do not seek the Lord, can we expect Him to fulfill His side of the promise?
So now lets tie this back into your life and marriage. I am not too concerned with whether or not you believe what you hear in the ministry. What defines your Christian walk is how you choose to live according to the Word of God. Myself, Joel, any moderator or helper is not your Judge. You are Judged by God alone and whether or not Jesus steps on the scale to balance your sin, is totally defined by your walk.
First, you must completely let go of everything your wife is doing. It is totally irrelevant. The Word of God tells you what you need to do. If you focus on that, you draw closer to God, and it is HIs responsibility to work on your wife. (see above Jer 29:11-14).
As a husband, your role is defined in Ephesians 5:25-32. There is nothing conditional in that passage.
Ephesians 5:25-33 – New International Version (NIV)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
There is no statement saying you do not go to the Cross if your wife sins, or if she treats you poo poo, or she has an affair, etc. etc…. you get my point. You and I are both sinners, and Christ went to the Cross for us. Jesus didn’t say “well, I’ll cleanse TimothyPaul, if he repents, or if he changes his sinful ways. In the same way, verse 25 and 26 tells you that you must die for your wife. The dying is not a physical thing as most men suspect. It is dying to the five sins that kept the Israelites out of Canaan.
Lust (money, sex, earthly gratification, etc)
Idolatry (including ego – narcissism, self)
Fornification (includes porn, masturbation, double looks of women)
God is watching you. How you follow His Word. How in the midst of all your pain, hurt, toils and strifes, you honor Him, not your wife and Kids. How no matter what storms life throws at you, you refuse to succumb to your own flesh; and you stand by His Word, by His promises and Glorify Him. That is the test for us Christians.
So far up to this point, God is not asking you to die for Him as many are in the Mid East. He is asking you to love, honor and cherish your wife as your promised Him on the day you married His precious daughter. No matter what.
In His service….TimothyPaul