A Tale of Two Temperaments – Mike
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So let’s start talking about Mike, after a few more definitions.
Inclusion is the area of social interaction and surface relationships – coworkers, acquaintances, and the people who come in and out of our life every day. It also includes emotional and intellectual energy.
Control defines how much power you want to have in a relationship, and how much you are willing to allow others to have over you.
Affection is about your deep, personal relationships – spouse, family, and very close friends.
Mike is melancholy in inclusion. Melancholies tend to be loners. Being with people drains their energy, and they need time alone to recharge their batteries. They also tend to be deep thinkers and are usually very creative.
Mike is supine in control. Supines live to serve. They find their worth in helping others. Supines tend to be dependent people who are uncomfortable making decisions on their own. They have gentle, sensitive spirits and cannot say no.
Mike is phlegmatic in affection. Phlegmatics are the peacekeepers of the temperament world. They tend to have low energy and are selective about how they use that energy. They often use their dry sense of humor to keep people from getting too close.
Keep in mind that we’re only hitting the highlights – all temperaments have strengths and challenges that we can’t cover in a short story.
Now that we know something about Mike’s temperament, we can look for areas in which his life isn’t lining up with it. Mike is a salesman. Jobs that require a lot of interaction with other people are a poor fit for a melancholy in inclusion. He is capable of doing the job, but it is emotionally draining. By the time his work day is over, he is exhausted. He wants nothing more than to crawl into a hole and hide … but he is going home to a wife and 2 small children.
Mike’s boss is very aggressive and frequently demands extra tasks from his team. Since Mike is unable to say no, he often ends up staying long past the time his coworkers have walked out the door. He feels used but cannot stand up to his boss, which frustrates his wife.
When Mike finally makes it home, Lisa and the children are all over him. They want conversation and attention. Unfortunately, his low energy supply is already depleted, and he finds himself tuning out. At some point, he nods off in his chair, leaving his wife lonely and angry.
What suggestions could we make to help Mike get his life and marriage back on track?
Cindy grew up in rural NY and Ohio. She spent almost 30 years as an RN in a major children’s hospital before God called her to change direction and pursue a degree in Christian counseling. She is a Certified Temperament Counselor and Certified Pastoral Counselor.
Cindy home-schooled her five children, all adults now, and currently lives on a farm in West Tennessee.
