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Yesterday was my “unniversary.” September 22 is the date I married my now ex-husband.
I didn’t even realize it. I hadn’t thought about what day it was until a friend, who was married on the same date and left her abusive husband a few years ago, posted something on Facebook. I’m unashamedly stealing the word unniversary from her. I don’t think she’ll mind.
I’ve been asked how I got here … how I went from the breakup of a 25 year marriage to not even knowing it was my anniversary. How I got past the anger. Why I don’t hate men.
The answer is simple, and yet incredibly complex. I choose not to dwell on what was. I choose not to be angry. I choose not to hate everyone with a Y chromosome just because of what one man did.
The follow up question is always … But how?
Granted, the temperament God created for me has a lot to do with it. I don’t have a temperament that dwells on things or holds onto anger. It’s over, done, nothing I can do about it, next. I fully recognize that for others with different temperaments, that’s not the case. Getting past those things is harder.
But in the end, it boils down to a choice.
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phillipians 4:8, NLT
It’s kind of like driving a car. If you’re going down the road and hit a patch of ice, you have two choices. You can either let go of the wheel and allow momentum and lack of traction take you into the ditch, or you can take your foot off the gas, steer into the skid, and get the car back on solid ground.
If I hate men pops into my head, I can follow that thought into the ditch of bitterness, or I can deprive that thought of fuel and firmly steer in a positive direction. The way to control a thought is to replace it with another thought.
It’s not easy, but it’s critical if I’m going to be the person God wants me to be. Bitterness does nothing but destroy the person who’s carrying it. I refuse to allow it to have a place in my life.
Yesterday was full of beautiful sunshine, happy dogs, accomplishments, and horse kisses. I didn’t spare one more thought to my ex or our dead marriage. I choose to live.
Happy Unniversary to me.
Blessings … Cindy
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