Temperament Strengths and Weaknesses

Temperament Strengths and Weaknesses

It is temperament that makes some people art and music enthusiasts while others are sports or industry minded. Temperament sets broad guidelines on everyone’s behavior, patterns which will influence a person as long as he lives. Each temperament has its own unique qualities and shortcomings, strengths and challenges. What accounts for these differences?

To use the idea of temperament most effectively, it is important to understand that the temperaments are not simply arbitrary collections of characteristics, but spring from an interaction of the two basic dimensions of human behavior: our communication and our action, our words and our deeds, or, simply,

what we say and what we do.

Isn’t it interesting that some people talk about reality, while others talk about ideas.? Some people do what?works, while others do whats right. The bottom line is each person has the choice to develop his natural temperament strengths and overcome his natural temperament weaknesses. To what degree this occurs depends on the individuals motivation. It is possible to learn how to control and overcome the natural weaknesses associated with a temperament blend.

It is of benefit furthermore to recognize one’s temperament. Only if one knows it, can he judge correctly himself, his moods, his peculiarities, and his past life. If one knows one’s own temperament, he can work out his own perfection with greater assurance, because finally the whole effort toward self-perfection consists in the perfection of his strengths and in the combating of his weaknesses.

the Choleric will have to conquer his obstinacy, his anger, and his pride;

the Melancholic, his lack of courage and his dread of suffering;

the Sanguine, his talkativeness and his inconsistency;

the Phlegmatic, his laziness and his lack of energy.

The person who knows himself will become more?humble, realizing that many good traits which he considered to be virtues are merely good dispositions and the natural result of his temperament, rather than acquired virtues.


the Choleric will judge more humbly of his strong will, his energy, and his fearlessness;

the Sanguine of his cheerfulness, of his facility to get along well with difficult persons;

the Melancholic will judge more humbly about his sympathy for others, about his love for solitude;

the Phlegmatic about his good nature and his repose of mind.

Temperament is innate in each person; therefore it cannot be exchanged for another temperament. But one can and must cultivate and perfect the good elements of his temperament and combat and eradicate the undesirable ones. Every temperament is in itself good and with each one man can do good and work out his salvation. ?With Gods strength this is possible.

I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength (Phil. 4:13)

It is, therefore, imprudent and ungrateful to wish to have another temperament.

“All the spirits shall praise the Lord” (Ps. 150: 6)

[1]./the-fourtemperaments-by-rev-conrad-hock/ pg 10
[2]./the-fourtemperaments-by-rev-conrad-hock/ pg 11

Free Strength and Weakness Handout

Who Is Really at Fault?

Category : Thoughts

Who Is Really at Fault?

Again, I sit and watch the news unfold; another tragedy in America. The land where now a killing needs to have a quota to make the news. I watch with disgust because this is not the land that God blessed 240 years ago. A land that welcomed an immigrant like me the opportunity to make a better life for myself and to be part of making a better world for all.

It is very easy to sit back and blame the politicians or to blame corporate America but my friend, look in the mirror, the fault lies with you.

You have had the opportunity for years to change the patterns of hate in America. A country once the pillar of the moral fiber of Christianity, has now fallen by the wayside. The love of Jesus Christ is not something you turn on and off at your convenience when it suits you. The love of Christ is a lifestyle that is born in you upon Baptism.

I have seen far too many people of late that scorn the church in America because you don’t live by the example you claim.

You leave church on Sunday with your family, and go out into the parking lot and curse someone that is taking too long to make the left turn. Yes, that is what your kids see and learn is a Christian.

You spew forth hatred and share posts on social media condemning others that differ from your opinion. Yes, that is what the world sees is a Christian.

You support a church where the Pastor lives in million dollar home while many go homeless and hungry around you. I have seen churches literally turn away and abandon the homeless.? This is what you show the world is a Christian.

You miss the opportunity to stop and show someone struggling love and compassion because you cant be late to that meeting. You’re so caught up in your own little world; you are blind to the needs of others. Look at me America, I am a Christian.

You don’t welcome the sick, the hungry, the sinner into your life or church because it is uncomfortable, it stretches you. But you will go to church on Sunday, look wonderful in front of your friends, singing praises to God at the top of your lungs. You will post Pray for America in big caps yet won’t go out and “be” the instrument of His peace and Love.

I meet and talk to so many non-Christians that see your behavior, your interactions with the world and will rightfully say you are a hypocrite. You have let your relationship with God become legalistic lists of rules and rituals, instead the unconditional love which is the essence of God.

My friend, America can and will change but it starts in the simplest of ways. It starts in your heart.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 NIV

. I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:1-3 NIV

As for me, I don’t want to make a difference; I want to be the difference.

In His service.


Cindy Bodendorfer, C.T.C. in Henderson on 06/26/16

Category : For Women

Freshstart is a group for divorced women and those heading toward divorce.

We’ll be meeting on Sundays at 5:30pm starting June 5th.

The session runs for 6 weeks. There is no charge to attend. Nursery and children/teen activities will be provided.

Are We Compatible ?

A Couples Temperament Test Compared

Below is a typical analysis we do for a couple in counseling.  It’s a wonderful tool for identifying the areas a couple should be aware of.   We find this tool to be incredibly insightful because it goes far beyond the ” 5 Love Languages” many couples have already tried.  It is not just the love languages but the in born design God has for your life and how that relates to your spouses design.  By working through these revelations we find couples gain amazing insight into their husband’s or wife’s needs of both expressing and wanting the desires.


Inclusion Control Affection
Peter 4/7 (PS) 6/7 (G) 0/4 (MP)
Ellen 6/7 (G) 2/4 (MP) 9/9 (Gc)


Inclusion – In the Area of Inclusion, Peter and Ellen are very compatible. They both have similar expressed needs and they have identical wanted needs. Again, the biggest issue here is for them to learn to honor God in their behaviors and interaction with others. They need to learn not to compromise God’s standards in order to feel accepted by friends.

Control – The Area of Control has potential for conflict due to Peter’s temperament. A Sanguine in Control can cause other people to think the person is “crazy.” In the secular psychology world Peter would be typically described as bipolar. One moment he wants to be in control (Independent Mode) and the next moment he will flip to self-deprecation and claim that he is worthless (Dependent Mode). As a Melancholy Phlegmatic in Control, Ellen will probably shut down when she starts to see this behavior. If she says anything at all that Peter perceives as negative or derogatory, he will move into this dependent mode. Peter will ask for Ellen’s input but then become “unreasonable” when she gives him this input. Over time this will cause a lot of damage in their relationship. Peter needs to learn that when he is in his independent mode he has the potential to be a very good leader. He needs to recognize when he swings to his dependent mode and he needs to learn to indulge himself in ways that are not sinful, but still meet his need for self-indulgence. The key is for him to recognize the swing before it becomes too severe. Ellen needs to also learn to recognize this swing and to permit Peter to self-indulge in non-sinful ways. This means letting things go and not pursuing Peter until he is able to move back to his independent mode. (Self-indulgence may be eating a candy bar or taking a bubble bath. This may be anything that brings pleasure but is not sinful or destructive.)

Affection – This is a huge area of potential conflict for Peter and Ellen. As a Sanguine compulsive, Ellen is looking for affection and opening up to everyone and anyone. She can never get enough touch and “I love you.” As a Melancholy Phlegmatic, Peter is not prone to saying “I love you” very much. He feels that sex is his way of telling Ellen that he loves her. He may also do things to show his love. However, it is not enough for Ellen and he will eventually get emotionally worn out and quit trying. Ellen will then turn to others to try and get this need met. This could lead to an affair or other inappropriate behaviors, not because Ellen is looking for sexual relationship, but because she wants emotional intimacy. This is a tough case to work with. Ellen needs to learn to meet her needs in Godly ways. She also needs to learn that there is no one that can meet all of her emotional intimacy needs. Peter needs to learn to step out of his comfort zone and make an effort to spend time with Ellen and tell her regularly that she is loved. When we consider Ellen’s Sanguine compulsive needs in Affection with Peter’s Sanguine needs in Control there is the potential for huge conflict. They have got to learn to turn to God and meet these needs appropriately.

FreshStart in Henderson on 06/12/16

Category : For Women

Freshstart is a group for divorced women and those heading toward divorce.

We’ll be meeting on Sundays at 5:30pm starting June 5th. The session runs for 6 weeks. There is no charge to attend. Nursery and children/teen activities will be provided.

How an Affair Really Begins

Category : Marriage Advice

It’s been a little while since I’ve shared something from The Land of Other People’s Writings. Today I came across a concise list of the steps common to every affair. I wish I didn’t feel led to post it. I wish all Christians had strong marriages and didn’t make the kinds of decisions that led to affairs, but alas, they don’t. They key, though, is that these are decisions … totally under our control and avoidable as we choose to follow Christ instead of our own selfish desires.

Quotable ~ Affairs do not begin with sex. Falling into bed with a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife is never a sudden, unplanned event. Instead, it is a culminating decision in a long list of terrible, self-centered decisions.

Decide wisely.

Read the rest here.

Blessings … Cindy

Cindy Bodendorfer, C.T.C. in Henderson on 06/05/16

Category : For Women

Freshstart is a group for divorced women and those heading toward divorce.

We’ll be meeting on Sundays at 5:30pm starting June 5th.

The session runs for 6 weeks. There is no charge to attend. Nursery and children/teen activities will be provided.

Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well.

In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.

Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.

I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.

Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.

Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.

Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.

Stupid Little Stuff

Category : Marriage Advice

By now, you all know that I enjoy entering the Land of Other People’s Writings. Today I stumbled across one that really hits the nail on the head. Why do couples fight so much over “stupid little stuff?”

News flash … it’s not the stuff you’re fighting about. Not really.

Quotable: “Most guys don’t know that she’s NOT fighting about the glass,” says Matt. “She’s fighting for acknowledgment, respect, validation, and his love.”

Read it here.

Do you know what’s important to your spouse? Do you value them enough to do it, even if you think it’s stupid?

Blessings … Cindy

Are you a Legend?

Category : Uncategorized

I’ve seen the mystics play there
Once or twice but I knew they had a reason
Enchantment plays it’s cards all right
Hand in hand with the workings of the seasons

Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to love for goodness sake
Legends can be now and forever
Loved by the Son, loved by the Son

Two and two go so close together
Whether there is hope that is torn apart
In the words of all that’s singing
Hand in hand the beginning is at the start

Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to reach for goodness sake
Legends can be now and forever
Loved by the Son
Loved by the Son

Who sings of all of love’s eternity
Whose shines so bright
In all the songs of love’s unending spells

Only lightning strikes all that’s evil
Teaching us to love for goodness sake
Hear the music of love eternal
Teaching us to reach for goodness sake
Legends can be now and forever
Teaching us to love for goodness sake

Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
Sweet songs of youth, the wise, the meeting of all wisdom
To believe in the good in man.
To believe in the good in man.
To believe in the good in man.


Lyrics altered by TimothyPaul

Loved By The Sun lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Christmas is for you!

Category : Uncategorized

Christmas is for you!

Hello my Facebook friends. Please remember as we celebrate the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. This is your day. He was born and died for you. His birth was for you to be able to walk in His Light.

“I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” John 8:12

Be His Light in this dark world. Celebrate both His Birth and your Real Birth and may you be surrounded and engulfed in His Peace and Love where ever you may be celebrating and with whomever you are celebrating with.

In His service…..  TimothyPaul

Why you need to do more than just pray about your problems

Category : Uncategorized

I saw this on the I Am Second website and its great.  Wanted to post it here for our followers….



I Am Second

I recently met a young man who told me he was praying for God to get him out of a really difficult situation. Praying. Praying. Praying.

His life had been headed down a dangerous path and he was waiting for God to rescue him. He was making poor choices, stuck in a destructive pattern, and was desperate to turn his life around.

Yet, through it all, he had done nothing to get himself to a better place. He had sought no accountability. He had made no plans and taken no action toward improvement. He hadn’t actually done anything to turn his life around. He was just praying.

I admire people of faith. It’s important to believe and to live as though what you believe is already truth. The problem comes when people exchange the guise of “faith” for the role of passivity and sink into a pattern that lacks action and takes no responsibility. “Faith” without deeds can be paralyzing, particularly when you begin to expect God to live for you, rather than looking for him to work through you.

I heard a joke once about a man who was drowning, but he had faith that God would rescue him.

A jet ski came by, but he declined saying, “I’ve prayed, and God will rescue me!”

A rescue boat came by, but again, he declined saying, “No thanks, God will rescue me!”

A helicopter came by, but a third time, he declined saying, “God will rescue me!”

And finally, he drowned.

When he awoke to heaven he approached God and asked him, “But Lord, you promised to save me.” To which God replied, “I tried. I sent a jet ski and a rescue boat and a helicopter, but you never got on board!”

This story might get you to chuckle but I have found there to be so much truth in this concept. And it’s no laughing matter.

As a professional counselor (who also happens to be a Christian), I run into people who doubt my line of work because they believe prayer is enough. They dismiss the value of counseling, treatment, and therapy, considering it a replacement for the power of God.

Treatment doesn’t negate prayer, it compliments prayer.

I’m a firm believer in prayer, and I encourage many of my clients to pray. Often I even pray with them. But treatment doesn’t negate prayer, it compliments prayer. It is a beautiful partnership that challenges people to match their faith with actions. It forces them to give to God what they can’t control and to seek to change what they can.

Maybe you are that person and you’re feeling stuck in feelings, behaviors, addictions, or struggles that you can’t seem to manage on your own. Maybe the pain of your past or the fears of your present are paralyzing you from living your life the way you know you should. And maybe you’ve resolved to “pray about it,” but not done much else. If so, I challenge you to consider the following things as you contemplate whether or not seeking treatment and counseling is right for you.

1. Are you dealing with a problem that seems to have a daily effect on your life?

Problems come and problems go, that’s the nature of humanity. But there are some seasons in life in which problems, negative feelings, or destructive thoughts, habits and behaviors start seeping into the day-to-day, becoming a part of our routine.If you feel caught in a daily battle that doesn’t seem to be letting up, maybe it’s time to consider trying something new.

2. Is this something you have been struggling with for over one month and can’t shake?

Many times struggles begin small but snowball into something that seems way beyond our control. It may be an innocent habit, a deficit in communication, or a “small” struggle that begins to take root in a way that you never imagined.

3. Is this something that is causing you to engage in self-destructive or harmful behavior or hurting those around you?

Some habits and struggles are subtle, secret, and out of sight.  Others are loud and clear, unable to hide from the eyes of others. Either way, both have the potential of doing damage.

4. What if you could prevent a struggle from becoming a struggle?

That’s not something people normally think of when it comes to counseling, but it’s crucial. The best way to tackle a problem is to deal with it before it begins. I see a lot of young men and women who are trying to get a head start in healthy relationships through counseling focused on premarital issues, marriage communication enhancement, and even singles wanting to make the best choices before they take the plunge into a relationship.

It’s time to stop simply talking about prayer and begin living a life that reflects those prayers; a life that puts deeds to faith.

For some of you, that may mean shutting off the Internet, getting rid of the alcohol, or finally breaking up with that boyfriend/girlfriend. It may mean seeking accountability, admitting that you need help, and admitting some of the things you’ve been doing in secret. No matter the size of your pit or how long you’ve been living in it, today is the day to start climbing out of it.

A version of this article originally appeared on the website True Love Dates.

Debra Fileta is a licensed professional counselor, speaker, and author of the book True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of Your Life. You may also recognize her voice from over 150 articles at Relevant Magazine or Crosswalk.com. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.




Men Who Won’t Grow Up

Category : Uncategorized

This week’s forage into Other People’s Writings brought up a title that grabbed my attention. Tim and I are seeing more and more of this … married men who want to live single, who shirk adult responsibilities and refuse to leave the video game world they grew up in.

Quotable … We live in a culture that celebrates youth and beauty and independence—even at the expense of growing up.  Many young men today immerse themselves in a world of media entertainment and diversions that tell them it’s okay to live a self-centered lifestyle, free of commitments to anything beyond endless and mindless pleasure.

Read the rest and let us know what you think.

Men Who Won’t Grow Up

Blessings … Cindy

What Makes Marriage Strong

Category : Uncategorized

This one is good … written by the daughter of a blogger who, from what I read, has a pretty good marriage.

What Makes Marriage Strong

If you’re not doing these things, it’s never too late to start. You can change your marriage any time you want to.

Blessings … Cindy

10 Second Love

Category : Uncategorized

Awesome idea. Let us know if it changes your perspective.

The 10 Second Way to Love Your Spouse More

Blessings … Cindy

Married But Alone?

Category : Uncategorized

My forage into the world of Other People’s Writings led me to this gem today. If you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse, this is the thing you need to fix.

Living Alone in My Marriage

Blessings … Cindy


Category : Uncategorized


The couple was probably in their 60s. He dropped her off in front of the store and went to park the truck. Seconds later, she was on the ground, having tripped and fallen in the clutter of merchandise that surrounded the door.

I’m not sure if he spared a glance towards the confusion as he walked around us and went inside. If he did, he had no idea that his wife was on the concrete. I can’t blame him, really. There were probably half a dozen people surrounding her. She had a towel over her face and was in the midst of a full blown panic attack, wailing in a voice I’m sure no one who knew her would recognize.

But once he was located … once he stepped outside and saw the paramedics helping her onto a gurney … once the towel was removed and he saw her bloody face … he did … nothing.

No words. No touch. No reassurance. No You are still beautiful even if that scars. Nothing. He stood there for a moment, and then turned and headed for his truck. I watched her watch him turn his back, and my heart broke for her.

I’m guessing that he had a long standing pattern of leaving her to fend for herself … of dropping her off, walking ahead, and paying no attention. I’m guessing that he rarely knew what she was feeling or what she needed. I’m guessing that she had hit the concrete in his heart decades before she hit the concrete in front of that store.

Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church … I can’t see Christ walking away.

Guys, does your wife hit a concrete wall when she tries to touch your heart? God has promised to change that, but only if you let Him.

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. Ezekiel 36:26 NLT

Concrete is hard, solid, and safe, but nothing grows in it. Light and air don’t get through, until you put a crack in it. Go ahead. You’ll be amazed.

Blessings … Cindy

How to Become a Trustworthy Husband

Category : Uncategorized

How to Become a Trustworthy Husband

Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? Proverbs 20:6 NIV

Trust is the foundation for the emotional connection between you and your wife. As we have often discussed, safety, security and an emotional connection are the essential elements a woman needs to be satisfied in a relationship. Yet, the emotional connection seems to be the most difficult for a husband to attain. Without it, you are never going to have the intimate relationship that God intends you to have in your marriage. So how can you become the trustworthy husband to create that connection?

1. ) You earn your wife’s trust with consistency. In Luke 16:10, the Bible tells us, “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” NIV. Think about some of the little things that would make your wife trust you. If she asked you to clean the dishes, would you grumble and moan, or would you say “sure honey, no problem”. If your wife feel safe asking you the little things, when it comes to sharing the more serious things on her heart, she will feel “safe”.

2. ) You earn your wife’s trust by being confident. How often has your wife shared something on her heart that you may have told your mom, dad or friends? And they may have told someone and it has gotten back to your wife?

A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. Proverbs 11:13 NIV

1. casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people.

This is one of those 5 nasty sins that kept the Israelites out of Canaan. If God thought it important enough to make the Jews wander around for 40 years, think of how it affects not only your wife, but you.

3. ) You can earn your wife’s trust by being close. That’s as simple as just spending some time together. Make her your first priority when you scheduling your life. We are always going to get caught up in day to day situations. Our lives have gotten crazy, but instead of taking a half hour to read facebook in the morning, sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or breakfast with her. Don’t let the craziness of life take you away from what is important. Satan attacks relationships in the most subtle ways, creating distance and distraction is easy for him.
I can tell you from my research, that every woman is looking for trust and integrity. It’s a primary need for a woman. What can you do this week, to start fulfilling that need for your wife?

In His service…TimothyPaul

Boundaries or Manipulation?

Category : Uncategorized

It’s a common question … what’s the difference? In this week’s perusal of Other People’s Blogs, I came across one of the best explanations I’ve ever heard.

Boundaries vs. Manipulation

Blessings … Cindy

Happy Unniversary

Category : Uncategorized

Yesterday was my “unniversary.” September 22 is the date I married my now ex-husband.

I didn’t even realize it. I hadn’t thought about what day it was until a friend, who was married on the same date and left her abusive husband a few years ago, posted something on Facebook. I’m unashamedly stealing the word unniversary from her. I don’t think she’ll mind.

I’ve been asked how I got here … how I went from the breakup of a 25 year marriage to not even knowing it was my anniversary. How I got past the anger. Why I don’t hate men.

The answer is simple, and yet incredibly complex. I choose not to dwell on what was. I choose not to be angry. I choose not to hate everyone with a Y chromosome just because of what one man did.

The follow up question is always … But how?

Granted, the temperament God created for me has a lot to do with it. I don’t have a temperament that dwells on things or holds onto anger. It’s over, done, nothing I can do about it, next. I fully recognize that for others with different temperaments, that’s not the case. Getting past those things is harder.

But in the end, it boils down to a choice.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Phillipians 4:8, NLT

It’s kind of like driving a car. If you’re going down the road and hit a patch of ice, you have two choices. You can either let go of the wheel and allow momentum and lack of traction take you into the ditch, or you can take your foot off the gas, steer into the skid, and get the car back on solid ground.

If I hate men pops into my head, I can follow that thought into the ditch of bitterness, or I can deprive that thought of fuel and firmly steer in a positive direction. The way to control a thought is to replace it with another thought.

It’s not easy, but it’s critical if I’m going to be the person God wants me to be. Bitterness does nothing but destroy the person who’s carrying it. I refuse to allow it to have a place in my life.

Yesterday was full of beautiful sunshine, happy dogs, accomplishments, and horse kisses. I didn’t spare one more thought to my ex or our dead marriage. I choose to live.

Happy Unniversary to me.

Blessings … Cindy

It’s Time to Make a Change!

Category : Uncategorized

It’s time to make a change. E-counseling is a discreet, convenient, and affordable way to get help with many issues. Get help with stress, anxiety, depression, relationships, parenting, addictions, anger-management, self-esteem, and other life challenges. Connect online with a professional, licensed, and experienced counselor. Get the support, advice and guidance needed to start making a change. Visit Ephesians 5:25 Ministries to get personally matched to one of our counselors.

How’s Your Marriage?

Category : Uncategorized

I like reading other people’s blogs. Often I find a perspective I hadn’t considered. Often their thoughts confirm my own. At any rate, I find it helpful to get out of my head and into someone else’s at least a few times a week.

Today’s find brings up a really good question … is your marriage a place of trust? The author’s list of queries is a great way to give your relationship a checkup. Can you answer at least most of them positively? If not, it’s time to do a little evaluation. Could the problems simply be differences in the way you and your spouse are wired, or are there deeper spiritual issues? We can help you figure that out.

Is Your Marriage (Or Other Relationships) A Place Of Trust?

Are you building relationships of trust? Take time to look at yourself, your marriage and other relationships in the mirror of these questions.


1) Is there more unity, understanding, and love in your marriage now than there has ever been?
2) Do you both do what you promise in the time that you have promised?
3) Are you attentive to what your spouse sees as important?
4) Do you make excuses for failures to do what you’ve promised, or are you ready to confess?
5) Do you listen well to your spouse and act on what you’ve heard?
6) Do you follow through with mutually agreed-upon plans?
7) Do you work together on planning and scheduling priorities, or do you demand that the other do it your way?
8) Do you share with your spouse your thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, and concerns, or is it easier for you to be quiet or to share with someone else?
9) Is there any evidence that you’ve withdrawn from the other in protective distance?
10) Would your spouse say that you’re good for your word and faithful to your promises?
11) Do you carry wrongs around with you, or do you trust one another to confront and confess?
12) Do you ever wonder what the other is doing when not with you?
13) Are you conscious of editing your words and withholding your feelings because you can’t trust your spouse to deal with them properly?
14) Is your marriage partner the best friend in your life or has your dream of this kind of companionship evaporated?
15) Is your sexual relationship mutually satisfying, or is it hard for you to give yourself physically to your spouse?
16) Do you say things to other people about your spouse that you’ve not communicated to him or her?
17) Do you look forward to sharing times together, and when you have these times are they peaceful and enjoyable?
18) Are there problems between you that remain unsolved because you don’t have the bond of trust necessary to work together on a solution?
19) Are you comfortable with the vulnerability that a good marriage involves?
20) Do you ever wonder if you made a mistake in marrying the person who is your spouse?
21) Do you ever fear that you’re being manipulated or taken advantage of in any way?
22) Do you ever wonder if your spouse cares for him- or herself more than for you?

So, look over your answers. What do you think? Is trust solid in your marriage? Is it growing in your other relationships? As you commit yourself to build a sturdy bond of trust, remember you don’t do that work alone or in your own strength. The One, who defines what trust is and does, is with you and offers you every grace you need to build relationships that picture his grace and point to his glory.

Marriage Questions

Blessings … Cindy

Communication Problems? Really?

Category : Uncategorized

I came across this blog today. The author has a great perspective … most couples who say they have “communication problems” don’t actually have problems with the mechanics of communication. They have spiritual problems.

I’d add one thing he doesn’t address, though, and that’s differences in temperament. When couples know how they are wired, many issues start to make sense. Understanding and applying the information learned through an APS test can take a lot of them off the table.

Give it a read and let us know what you think. Try out the solution he proposes in the last paragraph. Did it make a difference for you?

Communication Problems

Blessings … Cindy


Who Are You Worshiping?

Category : Uncategorized

I found this article today, and it really struck me. Do we know who Jesus really is? Are we really worshiping Him, or just someone who kind of looks like Him?

Counterfeit Christ Figures

Blessings … Cindy

Sixty Seconds With God

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Sixty Seconds with God

Posted 13 September 2015 – 08:15 PM ( – from the God Save My Marriage Forum by M. Bracht – click link above)

Sixty Seconds With God

Have you ever been in deep depression for months or discouraged because of the things that are happening in your life? You are not even sure if God is still listening to your prayers? Is the enemy constantly playing mind games with you? Does he bring up all your past failures? You think of all the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s that IF you had made different decisions how life might be different now. All these negative thoughts soon become overwhelming and you sink further into depression.

If that is true for you now or you have been there before, then stop and listen for a moment. I have been reading a book called One Minute With God by Dr. Keith Ellis. In it he talks about being in a dry place and you really need that 60 seconds with God to change things. I would like to share some of the things that he talks about so that no one ever has to go through that dry place again.

First, God waits on us to invite him into our storm/situation. Your invitation thru prayer is often a setup for the miraculous. The KEY to seeing Him work is being willing to call out to Him for help. Most of us don’t ask God, they just assume when we talk to Him about our issues that we want Him to help. But God is a gentleman. He will never push Himself on you. He is waiting anxiously for you to ask.

KEY #2 is spending consistent time with Him in prayer and reading His Word. Words are powerful and contain life. If you have been dealing with long-lasting problems, continuous difficulties, chronic pain and sickness, torment, or experiencing any form of depression from the enemy, God wants to help.

How do you get Him to respond? #1 Ask for Help. #2 spend time with Him. Don’t just spend 5 minutes and leave and think that will do the trick. No. You don’t do that to your family. Or I hope you don’t. Each member of your family (mothers, dads, children, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and the list goes on) wants you to spend TIME with them. When you do this they know they are loved. Oh, you think not! You think that THINGS can replace you spending time with them? Well think again. No one wants THINGS, they want to know they are really loved. At the end of the day, do you remember the THINGS people bought you or do you remember the good times you spent with each other? Well, your Father is the same way. He wants you to spend time with Him. It doesn’t mean that you have to quit your job and spend all day with Him, but what it does mean is that you spend quality time with Him and do it consistently. Get my drift?

Next, when you pray, pray with expectation and with a revelation of who He really is. He is God Almighty! There is nothing too difficult for Him. He breathes life into your situation and changes it instantly. He speaks to those things that are not as though they were. He knows the number of hairs on your head. Nothing surprises Him. He loves you unconditionally.

Key #4 – repent. We all know sin blocks the flow of the Holy Spirit from moving thru our spirit, releasing the health and life of God. If you feel like God is a long way off in heaven somewhere and you can’t reach him, then something is blocking that because He is right there by you. In fact, the Holy Spirit is inside of you. The Word says that He is closer to you than a brother. No one can take you out of His hand. So what is the hold up? You. Well, how do I do that? For starters how about repenting of your cold cold heart? If you repent, He is faithful to forgive us and life will begin to flow through YOU fresh, once again. Remember the story of the prodigal son that when he was on his way back home, his father was watching and came running toward him and he fell into his father’s arms. God has no throwaways. He wants all of us to fellowship with Him always. Nothing should ever separate you and your Father. Father will always restore and we can now go boldly into the Father’s presence because of what Jesus had done for us at the cross.

Now that the basics are out of the way, we can focus more on who our God is and the knowledge that He made us in His image. Once you get the revelation that God’s Holy Spirit lives INSIDE of you and that you are spirit and God is Spirit and just how close you really are to Him. Life begins to change. He is no longer in heaven. He is there with you all the time.

When we are in the Father’s family room, we can talk to Him just as if He were sitting next to you. Now God’s Spirit begins to share things with your spirit. You begin seeing situations from His perspective, then hope returns and faith arises. Our vision is restored in the spiritual realm. We all want God to move for us in the miraculous. We need to expect them and believe for them. We need to TALK about them.

Key #5 – exercising your faith. Faith is a vital part of your journey. When we have confidence in God, we have faith in God.

Perhaps you asked God to do something and He didn’t do it like you wanted Him to or perhaps it didn’t happen at all. This created insecurity in you. Don’t put God in a box. Simply trust God to do it His way! God knows everything and He has not turned a deaf ear or a blind eye toward you.

A lot of people beg God instead of believing Him. Don’t let that be you. God tells us in His word that He is working behind the scenes for our good. Believe Him. Trust that He is powerfully working in the unseen. Be thankful that He is working on our behalf. Pay careful attention to what comes out of your mouth because what we speak flows from the abundance of our hearts. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Keep your thoughts and your speech positive.

God used His words to create the universe. Our words are that powerful. We are made in the image of Almighty God. That same Spirit is inside you and me. God spoke to things that were not seen and because of His words, they came into existence. God uses the words of your mouth to get His job done! What is coming out of your mouth?

To be continued . . . .

Blended Families Divorce Rate Increases

Category : Uncategorized

Today, some 75% of divorced people will remarry.  Unfortunately more than 60% of these new blended families will end in divorce.

Divorced couples need to earnestly seek counseling before they “tie the knot” because our patterns of behavior can possibly bring us right back to the same issues that caused the first marriage to fail; that pesky F12 button.

“Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past.  (Isaiah 43:18 NASB)

This an area where an APS test can be a significant tool to help sort our problems early on in this new relationship.  The APS test will help potential couples define how they are outside of God’s design, and together what each of the parties might need to consider going into a new marriage.

Couples can receive an APS test with Ephesians 5:25 Ministries for as little as $ 350.00 for a couple.  This includes the test as well as four hours of couples counseling to help the husband and wife understand where they can help each other to have a marriage that glorifies God.

Call us today, if you are considering a marriage after a divorce.  What we can teach you will make all the difference for your future success.

In His service….TimothyPaul


Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.”

Category : Uncategorized

Here we are, all of us basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other, all searching for that slightest hint of a real connection.

Some look in the wrong places.

Some, they just give up hope because, in their mind, they’re thinking,

“Oh, there’s nobody out there for me.”

But all of us, we keep trying over and over again.

Why?   Because every once in a while, every once in a while, two people meet and there’s that spark.

And yes, Bones, he’s handsome and she’s beautiful, and maybe that’s all they see at first.

But making love, making love…

That’s when two people become one.

What’s important is we try. And when we do it right, we get close. A miracle.

Agent Seeley Joseph Booth – Bones  Season 3 Ep 3


24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.   Gen 2:24 KJV


The F12 Button Again

Category : Uncategorized

I’m a sanguine surrounded by melancholies. Proof that God has a sense of humor.

Life is challenging for me at times. I live on a 21 acre, off grid farm … that’s right, no tv or Facebook … with some of my adult children. All but one of them has melancholy in every area of their temperament. My ex was melancholy straight across the board, and most of my close friends are melancholies. Although I was never able to give my parents an APS test, I’m fairly certain that my dad was mostly melancholy and my mom mostly supine.

So all of that got me thinking … many of us function outside of our temperament. We learn behaviors in childhood in order to survive our family situation. Those behaviors become our F12 button … see Tim’s previous post … even though they’re often not typical of the temperament God designed in us.

For me, my F12 button means that I often behave as a supine, even though I’m sanguine in inclusion and affection. Put me in a group of people I don’t know, and I sit and wait for people to come to me. I rarely call my friends just to chat because I’m afraid of bothering them. After all, these melancholies have their day planned! I don’t touch or hug my kids very often, because they don’t need it. Those behaviors are totally opposite from the way God created me, but for all of my life, I’ve needed to fit in with a bunch of melancholies.

Think about your F12 button … are those behaviors consistent with how God designed you, or are they things you’ve learned? Are they beneficial or destructive? Do you need to take control and tweak some of them instead of just letting them happen?

I’ve learned to find healthy ways to get my needs met, even when surrounded by people whose temperament is so different from mine. Most of the time, I even enjoy the joke. 😉

Blessings … Cindy

Going Off the Grid

Category : Uncategorized

Off The Grid

I was talking to a friend earlier today, and we were talking about living off the grid. I’ve heard this quite often in various forms. I should have been born 100 years ago, I hate techology, etc., etc.

I was contemplating this, and as we have been discussing, the thought is actually living outside the will of God.

Sometimes, I would have liked to been around in the Middle ages. I love the concept of chivalry, King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, the concept of might is not right and all of that.

But I believe we must embrace, God’s greater design of rour lives. God’s created millions of people. And He has placed all of them in the time period that was required for them to serve Him, according to His plan and purpose. Whether or not they chose to, well, we’ve all read the history books.

Its a pretty fascinating concept to think of the millions and millions of people that have come before us. I can’t quite do the math, I’m sure my son could, but to me its unfathomable. And to think that for some reason, in His wisdom, He has picked me to live today, in this century, to affect the lives I can reach for His glory, is a really cool concept.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV

How would it be a benefit to God’s Kingdom for Paul to be alive today? Obviously, you and I could not understand the tenants of Christianity that are in the New Testament. And what of Martin Luther, would we not be living in a myriad of confusion without the Reformation?

You were born and God’s design is that you live in the here and now. If He needs you to use your phone to text a friend in need, then embrace the phone. If He has blessed you with a computer to reach out to the lost, then use it. All of the things around you, can be tools to reach a very lost and hurting world. There is a very specific reason God has this plan for you. I have a dear Pastor friend that sends over 300 texts every morning, and he’s in his 70’s.

Instead of looking for a better time and place, embrace the opportunities you have now. Live for today.

In His service…..TimothyPaul

The Scorpion and the Frog

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Crap I hit the F12 Button!

Category : Thoughts

Crap I hit the F12 Button!

Often, I’m asked if we can change. I mean truly a heart change.

Cindy and I speak about this often, and she has this theory. As some of you geeky people like me may know, on many computers, you hit the F12 button to get into the bios and reset the system back to the factory defaults. Well, we humans, similar to a computer, have factory defaults. Yea, you guessed it, those pesky temperament things.

I recently went through an experience where I hit that stupid F12 key. And like to share my reflections of that with you and my take away. I think it may speak to some of you if you accidentally hit that F12 key.

I’m a Melancholy Compulsive in inclusion, and a Sanguine Compulsive in affection. That affection part, means I need to show and receive a great deal of love. And like most of us, I’ve been doing life for the past 54 years, so there are many many times I operate out of God’s design. Most people that know me, would think I was a Mc (Melancholy compulsive) in affection. Meaning I need to show and receive zero love. As I know many of you sit with unsettled hearts, you know what things are taking you from living God’s design for your life.

  • So lets get back to the F12 key.

I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. Romans 7: 15 NLT

In this recent situation I had an opportunity and a need to operate in God’s design. Meaning I needed the ability to behave like the Sanguine called God me to be. Well, dang wouldn’t you know, no matter how I planned, when the time came, I slipped back towards the melancholy. And trust me, as a therapist, I knew exactly what it was; fear. Yea, that same stuff that keeps us trapped from receiving the blessings God has awaiting for us. Remember how once the Israelites were wandering around the desert, and they thought it was better to go back and live in slavery then to face the fear of starvation, etc. in the desert. But God had specifically directed them to the Promise Land. Isn’t that exactly what God is doing for us when He asks us to step out of our comfort zone of our temperament and live according to His design.

So while I was driving to a staff meeting this morning the Spirit started to speak to me. First, I didn’t slip all the way back to a melancholy, probably somewhere in the middle. So the Spirit that has been working in me for the past six years is making progress. And now, I am more aware of the battle I face to bring myself into God’s design; how much work its going to be. Just the awareness of this is already empowering. I know I will do better and thats where this whole F12 key thing fits in. ?I refuse to miss out on God’s Blessings for my life.


In every bios, there are tweaks. Sure, there is that factory default, but also every bios lets you tinker and customize and improve from those default settings.

So next time you accidentally hit the F12 key of your life, don’t leave the moment without making some adjustments and tweaks.

Nel servizio di Dio……TimothyPaul

Where do you live?

Category : Uncategorized

Where do you live?

In the past few weeks, two very dear friends have asked me “how do you live in this world, but not of this world”?

I’ve been thinking about this, because in my mind, I don’t live “in” this world. – Sometimes, I’m not so sure of course, but for the most part, I tend to think I live somewhere on a plain between here and heaven.

I think the first thing that helps me, is knowing I’m just a tourist on this big planet. Just passing through on my way to heaven. I know one day, through Faith, I’ll be in heaven, there is no doubt in my mind about that. – Is there any in yours? If there is, its time to get right with God. While we all know there is a rapture ahead, none of knows when, that is reserved for God alone. So in the mean time, are you living in a Godly way, an amplifier of the Light of Christ in your day to day actions? If there is any moment, where the question of where you may go upon your passing, becomes a question, there is work to do.

Second, and this is actually more difficult, how often do you defy the cultural norms, to do what is right. If you think about it, this really is the essence of living of the world. Our world has created so many culturally acceptable norms, that in your heart, you know are not right. How often will you cross something our society says is acceptable and stand up for something you know in your heart is true? I’ve seen Pastorial leaders justify adultery, or ignore adultery. I recently had a young Pastor, when I asked him about a couple where the husband committed adultery say “ the wife drove him to it”. Really?

Your elected officials will tell you abortion is acceptable, or marriage can be between same sex couples. Do you ever stand up and verbally or through your actions defend the tenants of the Bible?

And you know what, sometimes, its really not a “big” issue in the news. Sometimes, its something as simple as the way you might behave around other people. I was in a band back in my former life. After practice the guys would hang out and drink a few beers and bs for a while. It was interesting how many negative comments the guys would make about their wives and girl friends. I never said anything negative about my (now ex) wife but I never said anything good either. I never pointed out how detrimental and disrespectful the conversations were. Thankfully, through His salvation, that is not the case anymore, but it was at the time.

Silence, is acceptance of a bad behavior and your actions are a reflection of how the Spirit is working in you.

So as you wind down the day, think about it…. where do you live?

In His service….TimothyPaul

It’s a Good Day!

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It’s a Good Day

God has been putting some things on my heart of late, and it is creating some turmoil. This morning, He gave me some insight, but alas, when God gives you direction, it usually will come at a price. We know, God’s design is never status quo and it always will challenge you to step into a realm of the unknown.

As one that studies human temperament, I am far to aware of my own. Of course through the Blood of Jesus, I’ve come to love how God has designed me, the good as well as the bad. The good gives me the gifts and resources to serve Him, and the bad, the challenges I need to hurdle – why, yes, to serve Him.

So as I paced around my small abode this morning, in prayer, looking for direction and guidance, a little thought started to surface in the recesses of my mind. Subconsciously, I called out loud, “where are you my friend? “ and there buried under a myriad of paper work and other clutter on my desk, was my Bible. God brought me to Revelations 2, and for the moment, I’ll wait to tell you why, but the thought that was more prevalent was…

I wonder how many people today are wandering around with a troubled heart? If that’s you….

go grab your “friend”.

In His service….. TimothyPaul

In the Spirit of Love…..

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The Spirit of Love….

Recently God brought something to Light for me that I thought I would share. I think for most of us, love can be such a selfish thing. It’s not that we have ill intent, usually I find its just the opposite. But yet, because of “life”; love becomes all about having our own needs met.
Last week, because of a beautiful experience, God brought me to John 17… I reference below…

“ I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be as one as we are one.  I am in them and your are in me.  May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.  Father, I want these whom you have given me to be where I am.  Then they can see all the glory you gave me because you loved me even before the world began.”  John 17:22-24

It’s interesting to me, that in Jesus final prayer, He is not praying for himself and the horror that lays before Him, but for those that His life has touched here while on earth.

In a relationship, especially in a marriage relationship, how often do we create that experience for our loved ones.

Yet Jesus tells us right there that God’s unity in a relationship is hinged upon that agape love. So what might there be in our lives that hinder His perfect Peace and Promise.

How often do you share those inner recesses of your heart with you spouse, I’m talking about the real deep things.

There is an amazing fear in being that vulnerable. I know I recoil at the thought. If it wasn’t for the Spirit operating in me daily and fighting the temptations Satan constantly throws before, I’m a pretty lousy human being. Everyday I battle greed, lust, envy, etc. Do I really want someone knowing that part of my heart? We want to cast this illusion upon those we love, that we are stoic and their rock. Or perhaps that if we share those inner dark places, we may fall from our love ones grace. They may not look at us they way they did before, they may not admire us and put us upon that pedestal.

And being on the receiving end of those truths is no picnic either. But first, love means seeing those inner flaws and allowing your spouse to be safe in sharing that their imperfections are part of God’s design for our lives.

“If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand you ground defending him.” 1 Cor 13:7

When was the last time you expressed a love so deep for your spouse that if they shared something so deep and scary, you would hold their heart in your hands and keep them safe. You would not judge them, fear them and at all cost, you would use it as an opportunity to learn to love them more.

Let’s not fool ourselves to think our loved ones don’t know we have theses thoughts, they do also. Why then are we so afraid to share our “dark side”.

I understand why God brought that to Light for me last week.

As I embarq on a new journey in my life, its the essence of His design for unity. To experience that perfect Peace and the ultimate contentment God has in store for each and every one of us; what develops is a deeper understanding of the human plight. And it is only that spirit of Love that we can share and learn to receive that which will raise us higher. In Christ like Love, we strengthen and fortify each other. Through weakness our loved ones give us strength and resolve.

Such a beautiful view into our hearts and what Love looks like.  I see my heart is searching for that experience of such perfect unity that Jesus has promised us.  Its a promise He’s made for us and to us, He prayed to our Father that it is bestowed upon all of us.  Through Jesus it is written in our book of life.

I want that for my life and I pray you do also.

Amore perfetto di Dio vi aspetta
In His service….TimothyPaul