Category : Marriage Advice
I am working with an interesting couple right now.? When I initially did their temperament profiles I believed I exclaimed out loud, Good Grief.? In all my years of couples counseling, I don’t think I have ever seen two APS tests so far apart.? I was so surprised I actually called Dr. Phyllis Arno, the mastermind behind the APS testing program for her insight as well as another counselor friend of mine.
Before our very first session, I prayed and asked God for His wisdom.? This was going to be a challenge.? What God brought back to me was, I have brought this couple together for My purpose and although you may not understand it too bad, help this couple understand the Glory others will see when their marriage is healed.
This is how God views it. He has reconciled you. He says He is the one who joined you together (Mark 10:9). He is the one who makes you one flesh?not your similarities or common experience (Eph. 5:31).
God brought you and your spouse together because of your differences . . . not in spite of them. Just think: God knows your spouse even better than you do. He knows all too well how you both are made and how you are bent.
God put you two together because He knew what was best for the both of you.
Make the Best Marriage Out of Your Differences
Appreciate your spouses strengths. Rather than getting frustrated at how quiet or loud, relaxed or uptight, they are;?decide to be thankful for how God has made them. You can choose to be upset by the way your spouse ruins the well-laid plans with their spontaneous projects . . . or be thankful for the fun that they bring into your life with their wild ideas. The second response can make it more fun for all of you! One the other side, can you appreciate that God may have placed someone in your life to help keep you grounded and rooted in reality?
*How do you respond to your spouses strengths? Do you let them annoy you or are you grateful for them?
Grow in the areas you are weak. God designed your temperament with challenges also.? Your spouse maybe as a Melancholy may be very frugal and have a fear of not being financially secure.? You as the sanguine are always donating and giving far beyond your means.? We can see how both these parties would need to create a balance to be the good stewards of God’s gifts.? (another couple I am working with is going through trying to find this balance).
*What are some weak areas that you can grow in and learn from your spouse? Take a look at our temperament attributes list (Temperament Strengths and Weaknesses) and see what are the strengths you admire in your spouse.
Then work on developing similar interests. Rather than settle in your different camps, seek to do what things you can together. Enter into their world and invite them? into yours. Talk about what activities you could both learn to enjoy together.