The Mature Husband

Few things are more subtly abusive than an immature husband.

An immature husband is like a grenade with the pin pulled. You don’t know when it will go off, but you know it will, and when it does its going to be messy.

Its OK to start immature, we all do, but at some point its time to grow up, and lead for the good of your family.

I Corinthians 13:11 (NIV) makes this truth clear:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

Maturity isnt merely about age and experience. You can be young and mature, or older and immature. Maturity is an inner quality that resonates through all the components of a husbands life. This doesnt mean that a mature husband has arrived. We all have moments of immaturity, but its easy to identify the primary patterns of a mature husband.

Patterns of a Mature Husband

Mature husbands take responsibility for their own actions.

This is arguably the most important factor to discern maturity. Its not the only factor, but until a person takes responsibility for what they do and say, they are behaving immaturely.

I find a major issue for husbands is accepting responsibility for making a mistake, regardless of how it affects a wife or children. As men we tend to shroud our errors with excuses and reasons.? The “cause and effect”, in other words, “yes, I know I screwed up, but it really isn’t my fault because…“? The reality is, as humans, we should realize we are not perfect, and will make mistakes.? The difference for the mature husband is he will own it, and take the appropriate action; first with an apology and then action to correct it. Further, he will not repeat it.

Mature husbands continue to love even when they dont receive love in return.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. Ephesians 5:25 (NLT)

Whether its your wife or children, lets be honest, you dont always feel the love right? We have all experienced that. Jesus demonstrated this kind of unconditional and sacrificial love for all of us, and we all fall short. But He set the high standard for a Christian husband to strive after.

As a Christian husband, you may have a wife or child, who does not always treat you with the respect and kindness you think you deserve. When someone doesnt interact with you in a loving way, love them anyway. This isnt easy, but your love toward them will likely go a long way toward resolving whatever conflict may exist.

Mature husbands demonstrate a surrender to God.

Its hard to admit, but its easier to submit to Gods will and plans for our life when things are going like we want them to. When things are tough and not immediately according to our prayers, the definition of surrender seems to become negotiable.

Maturity demonstrates a unique blend of confidence and humility. This quiet confidence comes from a knowledge that God gave us the talents and gifts we have, and provides the power that allows those abilities to result in changed lives. Mature husbands are at ease within themselves. It is not arrogance, it is self assuredness.

Its understandable if young husbands are unsettled and restless.?They need time to learn how to handle insecurities, discover who they are and how God has designed them to be submissive leaders.

In time, however, maturity reveals itself when a husband is comfortable in who they are and personal insecurities have become minimal. This personal security allows you, ?as a husband to invest your energy into making progress, solving problems and elevating your wife, rather than trying to get people to see you as something other than you are.

Mature husbands value accomplishment over status.

Mature husbands want to be the difference and immature husbands want to be noticed. Immature husbands are more concerned with status and what people think about them. Mature husbands want others to see the Light of Christ through their wives, and find contentment in knowing that other couples will desire the same result..

Mature husbands learn from mistakes and continually improve.

To most outsiders, when a couple gets divorced, few have seen or understand the inner dynamic that has been operating behind the scenes. Most often, people will see the husband as the good guy although few realize he refuses to learn from his mistakes. It might be anything from a lack of discipline to an independent spirit, but when a capable husband repeats the same mistake over and over, even with coaching, they are revealing immaturity. To be blunt, they just want to do what they want to do. Us therapists call this narcissism..

Mature husbands continually learn, grow and improve. They get better at what they do. This enables them to handle more responsibility, love more consistently, lead in surrender to God, live comfortably in who they are and seek meaning over status.

Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you. 2 Corinthians 13:11

In His service. TimothyPaul, L.P.C., D.D.

Timothy Paul